2018.08.16: Day 0190: Somewhere between Bad and Good

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Matthew 7:18‬ ESV‬‬

‘A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. ‘

https://my.bible.com/bible/59/MAT.7.18

Lord Hear my Prayer:

So that we can be healthy trees bearing good fruit that can provide substance for others.

Journal Entry:

When I was younger, I used to take long walks hoping that God would fix me and make me like everyone else. What I did not realize was that I would never be like everyone else. I was raised by my grandparents for the first five years of life because I was a burden to my mother and I never knew who my dad is/was. I realize now that I don’t wish this on anybody. Back then I viewed it as a curse. Please make me like everyone else because I’ll make a gazillion mistakes and I don’t really have anybody to talk to about them. Oh, I can figure it out. The walks seem in vain.

Nowadays, right down the street is a park in the city where hot air balloons launch from time to time where I can walk to the center and scream, sing at the top of my lungs, or just look at the trees. Like tonight, I went out there and sang a song that became the conversation between God and me. It was dark and I left feeling better. No matter what happens, everything will be alright.

I am not going to insert any blanket statements like God is Good or leave your troubles with the Lord because they seem shallow. God is the same to us all, so how can I expect anything extra or special. I mean it has not been granted from the start so why now? Instead, I try to listen to the Spirit within, the one that connects us all, and take a few deep breathes because the task is hard. Least it is for me, but everything will be alright.

I am somewhere between diseased and good and getting better every day. Maybe someday my fruits will be good and provide substance for a few.

Peace from the DFW metroplex,
Solo Mon

/ Algo de Nada /

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