Day 0142: Buring Soul

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128B7F1C-D703-4AE1-AA15-08FF86FD54612018 JUNE 29-1-1 Corinthians‬ ‭3:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”

Before yesterday, I was working on closure with somebody. I made the mistake of signing up for an event caught up with the emotion of finding a way, but then realized that was the human side of desire for something that just well, does not work. Then I went about working on changing my focus and just thinking how this event is just a stepping stone to something else and concentrating on that.

Then, yesterday, the day before the event, I get an email from this somebody and my emotions begin to get conflicted. So much so, I went to a concert and then a bar and then another bar and then another, but instead of staying at that last one, I walk. I walk for 90 minutes around midnight just to get myself past today’s event.

The photo above was when my buddy picked me up and took me home. There is meaning to the blurry that is the cross and it is leaning because that is how I feel I presented myself to God.

There were no guarantees and I went through with it and had a great time with about 5000 other peeps. Even if that time was stressing out the body against the wind and some hills. At the end, I did not see this somebody and thought it was for the best.

As I am about to head back home for some R&R, I check my phone and there is an email. I should have just gone on. I came for what I wanted and felt good about myself. I did not need to respond. But I did.

After I met this somebody, the conflicted feelings came back and I felt all that I worked on went up in ashes and here I was feeling foolish again. I pretty much started the fire by responding and I lit myself up by thinking there could be a redemption track.

I believe I was wrong again. As I write this, there is a hurt that is burning my soul.

I foolishly wrote an email and the response was what I expected, but not what I hoped for. I just have to get to where I was Thursday.

The last words were ‘Take Care.’ Tonight, I will write about what ‘Take Care’ means for the future.

Thanks be to God from the DFW Metroplex,
Solo Mon

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